Why why why ???

Plan A, Plan B and the plan I am still figuring out

Why do I feel like I don’t have it in me to go back to corporate tech sales anymore?

I keep asking myself this question:
What happened?
How did I lose the spark for something that once lit me up so much?

What happened???

I don’t even remember exactly when it started, but the whole technology industry just doesn’t inspire me anymore.

I used to believe deeply in company values and missions. Now I just feel disconnected.

And while I feel immensely grateful for all the amazing learning, people, leaders, experiences, and opportunities that crossed my path, influenced me, and inspired me… I can’t shake this feeling that this journey has come to an end and I need to take a new path.

Another adventure.

The unknown is scary.
Really scary.

But I know myself well enough now to understand that continuing to ignore this feeling will eventually bring me back to despair, burnout, and depression.

Or maybe… maybe the lesson is simply learning how to be productive without putting so much pressure on myself.
Learning how to celebrate small wins.
Learning how to work without constantly operating in survival mode.

Reflecting on my professional accomplishments, I always carried this feeling of not fully belonging, of somehow doing things differently from everyone else and still getting deals closed anyway 😂

But one thing I always genuinely took pride in was my work ethic and my real desire to solve problems and create positive outcomes for customers I had the pleasure to work with.

And maybe that’s where the misalignment started growing stronger.

As the product started showing more performance issues, I started feeling disconnected from it too.

Because deep down, I need to believe in what I’m selling.

Now I realise I don’t fully trust the technology anymore, nor the direction the company is taking.

Honestly, it feels a bit like trying to continue a marriage after trust has been broken.

Maybe the relationship can survive…
but trust would need to be rebuilt first.

I don’t even know how to explain it properly.

So currently I feel like I have two plans:

Plan A:
Go back, try rebuilding trust slowly, focus on fostering genuine relationships with clients and colleagues again, reconnect with the parts of the work that still motivate me, and cut through the internal noise and corporate BS happening around me.

Plan B:
Quietly quit emotionally, rebuild savings, and eventually leave to figure out what path I actually want to take next.